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Were your parents QF.. - 11/30/2008 5:28:28 PM
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OneOfHisJewels
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and how did it affect your thinking in that area?
Before we start, let me be very clear about two things..
1. This is NOT a debate thread about the right or wrong of QF.
2. This NOT NOT NOT a support thread for EITHER group.
This is simply an insight into how parents influence us, and whether we tend to go the same or opposite directions in this area. I am especially curious, because almost all (though not completely all) parents I know went a different direction then their parents..if they had only one sibling, they went on to have a big family, more often then not, and often those I know from big families kept their families small.
I, personally, am not of the QF mindset, and although my parents had 4 children, they were definitely not QF. When I was in high school, I was very much leaning toward being QF, and my parents talked me out of that pretty fast. So, I often wonder if I had been married by now, if I would have had a large family if they had never had that talk with me, and if, since they did have that talk with me, if that would have been a factor in me having a smaller family (providing I would've even been fertile...but hey, we're talking hypothetically here anyway).
Edited to hopefully make more grammatical sense...x2  ..apparently I can't put the word "if" where it belongs today.
< Message edited by OneOfHisJewels -- 11/30/2008 8:16:06 PM >
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RE: Were your parents QF.. - 11/30/2008 6:23:16 PM
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zoebob
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My parents were not QF: there were three of us and I am not QF and have 3
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RE: Were your parents QF.. - 11/30/2008 7:03:32 PM
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lexie
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My parents weren't...there are two of us, though they did want one more, but had difficulty conceiving. I do lean toward having a larger family because I found it hard being 7 years younger than my only sibling and having absolutely no cousins, but am not QF.
My husbands parents have 7 children together. While they would not say they were QF, they did not use birth control ever. My husband is not QF and wants less children than 8, which is what he grew up with.
I have always wondered the number of people who are QF that came from families that are, and the number of people who aren't QF that came from families that are.
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RE: Were your parents QF.. - 11/30/2008 7:26:54 PM
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artemis
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My parents were not quiver full, but I do come from a somewhat large family (7 kids). I'm the oldest and I am the only one of my siblings who would even consider a large family, but since my husband and I waited almost seven years into marriage to even start trying to have children, I doubt we'll have a very big family. I think my sister wants 2-3 kids and my brothers are undecided if they want children at all.
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RE: Were your parents QF.. - 11/30/2008 7:51:54 PM
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OneOfHisJewels
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quote:
I guess that just goes to show that whatever you don't have, that's what you want.
That is often true!
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RE: Were your parents QF.. - 11/30/2008 7:57:31 PM
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Auben
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I'm finding this topic funny because I've heard the opposite statement. The family you come from always feels like the norm and you gravitate to that.
I'm not from a QF family. I'm the oldest of 4. I've always wanted 3-5 children. Dh comes from a family of 2. I convinced him to have 3 and we ended up with 4.
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RE: Were your parents QF.. - 11/30/2008 8:15:02 PM
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csl7037
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I don't enjoy the debate on this at all - been there done that but I see your twist on the question and it's a valid one. So, for the record, I'm an only child both by my parents' choice and by medical advice. My dh is the youngest of four. When we first discussed this before getting married, I was emphatic that I would not have an only child and he was emphatic that four was just way too many! (If you met my inlaws it would be a great argument for small families - glad they had 4 because dh was last but I'm really glad there aren't any more of them too, LOL!)
So we've got two - girl then boy. When ds was born, dh was perfectly content to stop there and I was perfectly content to never put my body through that again...door's are still open to God's leading in whatever direction in our lives - I'd love more - I'd love to adopt. I've heard all the arguments and anyone is wasting their time to argue "QF" on me. I felt strongly convicted at the time, and still do, that having the two that we have was incredibly selfish given the babies and children all over the world who have nothing and no one to care for them.
On the topic of this thread, though, my upbringing did strongly influenced me (being an only child) because I know there's simply no way a house full of children would get the kind of attention or time I need to give them. I've heard all the counter-arguments on that and it doesn't fly with me. It's just reality.
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RE: Were your parents QF.. - 11/30/2008 8:23:00 PM
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OneOfHisJewels
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quote:
I felt strongly convicted at the time, and still do, that having the two that we have was incredibly selfish
(((((((csl)))))))..I won't derail this thread into a debate, but I don't think that was selfish..most people want at least one child, and even more want two kids, and even those children you talk about adopting...well someone else had those kids, and people don't accuse birth parents of being selfish .so please don't be so hard on yourself. It makes me sad to see someone have guilt over something that was by no means a sin.
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RE: Were your parents QF.. - 11/30/2008 8:35:38 PM
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zoebob
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Because I grew up with 3 that was what I considered as normal. My husband had 2 (plus his mom miscarried one before him) in his family. We weren't necessarily planning on 3. I was going to get my tubes tied after #2 but she was born in a catholic hospital so they couldn't do it then and there and DS came along before we got around to it and has been a wonderful joy and blessing.
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L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: Were your parents QF.. - 11/30/2008 8:36:34 PM
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csl7037
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quote:
ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels
quote:
I felt strongly convicted at the time, and still do, that having the two that we have was incredibly selfish
(((((((csl)))))))..I won't derail this thread into a debate, but I don't think that was selfish..most people want at least one child, and even more want two kids, and even those children you talk about adopting...well someone else had those kids, and people don't accuse birth parents of being selfish .so please don't be so hard on yourself. It makes me sad to see someone have guilt over something that was by no means a sin.
I wouldn't say sinful or guilt-inducing (and shouldn't have carelessly implied so) but I'd definitely say it was self-serving. I just can't justify in my own mind continuing to have more kids - dh is a cutie and we think our kids are pretty amazing but our genes aren't that great!  If/when we're ready for more kids, there are thousands standing in line that already need us.
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RE: Were your parents QF.. - 11/30/2008 8:42:31 PM
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reach
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I don't know if my parents were QF, or even thought of that. I am the youngest of 7. My mother has 3 grandchildren, so that tells you how my siblings decided on children.
I want 3 kids. I don't want just one. I would want at least 2. And that is what we will probably stop at. Unless something happens after one and we decide that is all we can handle.
I love having kids around and would love to foster.
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RE: Were your parents QF.. - 11/30/2008 8:47:37 PM
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csl7037
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quote:
ORIGINAL: reach
I want 3 kids. I don't want just one. I would want at least 2. And that is what we will probably stop at. Unless something happens after one and we decide that is all we can handle.
Ha! My advice, if you don't want just one, would be to try to get pregnant again when #1 is about 5 or 6 months old - when they're sleeping through the night but not really moving around! When dd hit that point, dh and I thought we had things under control. If we'd waited six or eight months, it might've scared us! Definitely have #2 before you have to potty train #1 or you might never opt to put yourself through that again!
(All in jest, of course...sort of.  )
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RE: Were your parents QF.. - 11/30/2008 9:23:54 PM
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zoebob
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quote:
Oh, I see. I think it's interesting that you were an only girl, and your son is an only boy. Were you the youngest? If so, then you had the exact reverse of your parents!
Actually, I'm the oldest. I'm the only girl and the oldest. My son is the only boy and the youngest. Ironically, my middle child was closest to my middle brother of all her aunts and uncles.
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L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: Were your parents QF.. - 11/30/2008 9:46:22 PM
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Karaboo2
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I'm an only child. Dh is one of 5 kids (two full siblings, one step-sibling, and one half-sibling.) We have 5 children. My parents were the farthest thing from QF. They were so intrenched into their "high" life (drugs) that I ended up being raised by my maternal grandmother and great-uncle. When dh and I discussed kids, I had already been told I wouldn't be able to carry any. I've been pregnant 8 times (3 miscarriages). I knew that I always wanted at least two children, since there weren't any children in my neighbourhood when I was growing up. Books and classical music were my thing. We figured two would be great because there would always be someone around to talk to for them.
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RE: Were your parents QF.. - 11/30/2008 9:52:20 PM
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OneOfHisJewels
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quote:
I knew that I always wanted at least two
LOL, and now you have, what is it, 5?
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RE: Were your parents QF.. - 11/30/2008 9:54:13 PM
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OneOfHisJewels
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quote:
ORIGINAL: zoebob
quote:
Oh, I see. I think it's interesting that you were an only girl, and your son is an only boy. Were you the youngest? If so, then you had the exact reverse of your parents!
Actually, I'm the oldest. I'm the only girl and the oldest. My son is the only boy and the youngest. Ironically, my middle child was closest to my middle brother of all her aunts and uncles.
Well, that makes sense..middle children relate to each other. Although I'm the 2nd of four, because of my youngest sister being functionally an infant due to her disability, I'm functionally like a middle child.
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RE: Were your parents QF.. - 12/1/2008 12:32:09 AM
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buckifn
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That's a weird term....and an oxymoron of sorts for some of us who had donors but not parent's.....for some odd reason I am part of a "family" of 11, half were wanted and half were not...at least in the earth realm....but I think for some parent's they would see themselves as a QF even if they were only able to have 1 child because loving that child fulfills them completely.
For me, I would love to have a family of 12-15 kids...but so far we have settled for 7 excluding the temp. foster one's..... ideally a house filled with 10-12 daily would seem the norm to me.
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Interestingly, my neighbor's husband was one of 7.
my soldier! 
