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Should I Pray? - 3/12/2010 12:54:17 AM
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CMT8808
Posts: 907
Joined: 9/4/2009
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I do not know if this is the right forum for this, but here goes.
My stepfather who violated me and my sisters for years health is declining. Well I do pray and ask the Lord ot bless him regardless of his sin towards me.
Now I have to say this man use to read his bible daily and I do not know when he stopped, but I am receiving mixed messages.
Towards me, he procclaims Christianity and he will be in heaven with our Lord, however my younger sister who is also saved He refuses to speak or talk about our Lord. Blows her off and says he is not interested or cares.
So is he still trying to manipulate me and being truthful with her or vice versa?
The way I am seeing this is that he really doesnt have a repentant heart and is blowing off God, but speaks about Him with me because of guilt.
See I refused to minimize or go into denial about what he did to us and to read his bible daily ta boot! (sort of like justifying himself with his actions.
He told me undoubtfully he will be in heaven, yet with my younger sister who minimizes his actions refuses to discuss our Lord and has strayed from his original belief.
Ever since my mother died, he has avoided us and when we call to check on him asks us to stop calling.
I know he is still being devious about their affairs, but I can care less, but my questionis
should I iwht all I have and regardless of what he did to me pray for him more than I have?
I pray that the Lord gives him better health and bless him.
Now I do not know should I pray that he repents and pray for his salvation too?
He has been caustic in remarks like to my older sister. He asked her what does today and yesterday have in common? His reply: The past was cheaper!
This was not only caustic but also derogetory wwhich makes it all the more difficult.
So should I pray? Yet what should I pray that does not show my ill feelings towards this man?
Yes I forgive, but ya all don't know what he did to me, so I can only baby step it and try to do the best I can for the Lord's Glory.
Help me please as this is a struggle and want it to be true when I pray it
CMT
_____________________________
formerly Delete 123
Never Underestimate the Power of God
Romans 8:28, Proverb 3:5
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RE: Should I Pray? - 3/12/2010 8:11:40 AM
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buckifn
Posts: 1555
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Remember prayer is talking to your best friend. I suggest when you pray you speak your struggles, your mixed emotions towards this man to your best friend, God. He already knows, but when you speak it you are transferring the burden from yourself to Him. He wants to give you peace and not have you living in turmoil because of the prior things done to you.
What if you told God I don't even know how to pray for this person? You could ask Him to help you know what if anything He wants you to pray for. You are not responsible to ask God to bless this man. I believe you are to pray for his salvation. (as we are for everyone we know) For his soul to be saved is the most important thing. Maybe God has someone else praying him?
Maybe you would be able to minister to him more by allowing God to heal you completely from the hurts? He would see the love and joy and peace shining through you and that would draw him to Christ more than anything else?
I guess to sum it up I would pray and ask God to completely heal you of your hurts and then ask Him to show you how to pray for this man.
Is your sister a Christian? Maybe the two of you could pray together? There is more power in finding someone to pray with you in agreement.
Have you dealt with your hurts through any counseling?
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RE: Should I Pray? - 3/12/2010 11:10:27 AM
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Simway
Posts: 332
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Yes do pray. Pray for healing for yourself, your sister, and your step father. Also, that he will see the need to repent, and ask God to forgive him. It's time everyone for all concerned to forgive each other. I know all this is hard to do. But it's burden to carry day in and day out. Each of you are responsable for you ac tions in this. Each has to deal with it in your own way. But deal with it you must. Other wise it's going to eat you alive. It s sounds like you are trying , which is good. You have admitted all the hurt, pain, and everything that has gone into this. To admit , is the first step to recovery. As for you stepfather, he is carring a load of guilt, and is in denial no matter what he is saying and doing. You say you call him, and he has ask that you not call...how oftan do you call? Maybe you should back off some, not sure it's right to totally cut him off, but do keep track as to how he is doing. Your sister, really has to come to grips with this, and get going with the healing and forgiveness process. But as with all things no one can be made to do this, it has to be a act of the will. Then and only then will things change.
Simway
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RE: Should I Pray? - 3/12/2010 11:35:26 AM
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CMT8808
Posts: 907
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quote:
ORIGINAL: buckifn
What if you told God I don't even know how to pray for this person?
This is a great idea and it is the truth. I do not know how or what to pray for him.
quote:
Maybe you would be able to minister to him more by allowing God to heal you completely from the hurts? He would see the love and joy and peace shining through you and that would draw him to Christ more than anything else?
In the past I have ministered to him and my mother, but they used my kindness and never fulfilled any promises they had made during this time.
I use to mow their lawn, trim their shrubs, paint their house, and during the winter shovel their huge driveway. I did this for years without complaint and never asked for anything.
I stopped when one year they promised me something and after I completed the job, renigged on it.
quote:
Is your sister a Christian? Maybe the two of you could pray together? There is more power in finding someone to pray with you in agreement.
Yes my younger sister is a Christian, she accepted Jesus in 2007, but she diminishes the "family secret'', as it was nothing.
quote:
Have you dealt with your hurts through any counseling?
I have in the past, but decided to go back because I have a real problem even talking about it. So I did a lot of workbooks which helped some, but maybe not enough, because of the mixed emotions I have, but can not express.
I guess people call it being numb or detached from their feelings/emotions.
I never thought about it until a nurse at the hospital I worked pointed it out. No matter what the circumstance was I never changed in my stance, where some times the nurses and doctors would show their emotions.
She said, No matter what is going on, you never change, you are always the same.
Thanx for taking the time Buckin
CMT
_____________________________
formerly Delete 123
Never Underestimate the Power of God
Romans 8:28, Proverb 3:5
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RE: Should I Pray? - 3/12/2010 3:21:30 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 2738
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CMT8808
My stepfather who violated me and my sisters for years
CMT, has he ever asked your forgiveness for this? That tells you tons about his relationship with God. Scripture says to make things right with the person who has something against you before offering a gift to God. Matt. 5:23,24 If he has never spoken of this, I'd present it to him so he had to confess or deny it happened, and that tells you which path you need to take at that point, and what to think about him. I'd do a Matt. 18: 15-17 on him, second step with your sisters and your pastor together so if he denies it he can't later say he didn't.
quote:
So is he still trying to manipulate me and being truthful with her or vice versa?
If he has unconfessed great sin in his life, then he is caught in a wolftrap of sin and is okay with living in it; who knows if he is lying or not. He's a moral shipwreck. See 1 Tim. 1:19. You may have to content yourself with his probably lost state (see Gal. 5: 19-23) in dealing with your thoughts and feelings about him.
quote:
The way I am seeing this is that he really doesnt have a repentant heart and is blowing off God, but speaks about Him with me because of guilt.
Yeah, he could be pretending so he can save face or assuage his guilt. That won't cut it half a second after he dies and meets God face to face.
This is tough because you have pain that he caused and he's not dealing with it - he's hurting you twice. Not nice; horrible, in fact. The only way I know how to deal with that is to take your father off your hook and hang him on God's hook. Or think of a mail room with cubby holes for your mail; take him out of your cubby and put him in God's cubby. "God's in box," so to speak. God will take vengence for you.
quote:
He told me undoubtfully he will be in heaven, yet with my younger sister who minimizes his actions refuses to discuss our Lord and has strayed from his original belief.
Ever since my mother died, he has avoided us and when we call to check on him asks us to stop calling.
Sure sounds like a shipwreck of faith to me. Blow out the foundation, and everything on top falls as well.
quote:
I know he is still being devious about their affairs, but I can care less, but my questionis
should I iwht all I have and regardless of what he did to me pray for him more than I have?
I pray that the Lord gives him better health and bless him.
You know, it's always safe to pray for God's will for someone. For your father, that probably means getting right with God and then getting right with the people he's hurt. Let God decide what to do, and you can go on your way knowing God will do things right.
quote:
So should I pray? Yet what should I pray that does not show my ill feelings towards this man?
This is so tough. Yeah, pray, because God does things when we ask, and this man is your "neighbor." Ask for God's will.
quote:
Help me please as this is a struggle and want it to be true when I pray it
God bless and comfort you, my hurting Sister. I'm so sorry this happened to you; no child should have happen to them what happened to you. Bless you for wanting to do it right when those who had the responsibility of caring for you didn't do it right. That's obviously God working in you; He gives beauty for ashes and brings good out of disaster. Everytime you want to obey God, it brings Him glory (see the first two chapters of Job to get the behind-the-scenes in heaven on this kind of thing) and it slaps the devil in the face. You are God's trophy in His trophy case so the whole world can see His grace and kindness to us sinners (Eph. 2:7).
In your shoes, I would pray for God's will in your father's life, thank God for saving you and bringing you to the point where you can pray for your father inspite of the harm he did you, and then walk away from it, thanking God He'll deal with it. Do a Matt. 18 on him or just back out of his life, making sure he has food and a roof over his head but keeping your distance if you want to. I would. Turn away from the hurt and confusion and lies, and turn towards the light and warmth of God and His people and His truth that never changes or even wiggles.
My heart is aching for you right now... you've had a double whammy from this uncaring person, and it hurts. Keep your eyes on Jesus who pitied you (and me and every one of us) and thank Him He's never betrayed you and never will. (((HUgs)))
_____________________________
People died to give you the Bible in your language.
Read it. Eat it. Dwell in it. Rightly divide it. Live it.
Laugh, dance, praise your God, and go read some more. And God bless you.
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RE: Should I Pray? - 3/12/2010 10:23:47 PM
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CMT8808
Posts: 907
Joined: 9/4/2009
Status: offline
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Heya DeerMousie~
I can not do the Matthew 18 on him. I moved from that state 2 years ago. The only time I went back was when my mother's conditioned started to decline.
I do not call on a frequent basis since my mother passed. I call maybe once a month.
I do not need to provide for my stepfather as his son and wife live with him at my stepfather's home.
You are right he has wronged me more than once and I suppose I need the Lord to strenthen me in this area.
I can be naive in some things. As a Christian counselor said one time: He found me to be Savvy but naive. I do not even know if that is a good thing, lol 
Ok I will pray for God's will for him
Thank you all
CMT
_____________________________
formerly Delete 123
Never Underestimate the Power of God
Romans 8:28, Proverb 3:5
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RE: Should I Pray? - 3/12/2010 10:43:25 PM
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Dakotasunbeam
Posts: 665
Joined: 6/2/2005
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Best Advice I ever got. Now I'm giving it to you.
Love for Enemies
27“But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. 30Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. 31Do to others as you would have them do to you.
32“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ love those who love them. 33And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ do that. 34And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ lend to ‘sinners,’ expecting to be repaid in full. 35But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 36Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. --Luke 6:27-36
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RE: Should I Pray? - 3/12/2010 10:59:35 PM
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CMT8808
Posts: 907
Joined: 9/4/2009
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Dakotasunbeam
Best Advice I ever got. Now I'm giving it to you.
Love for Enemies
27“But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. 30Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. 31Do to others as you would have them do to you.
32“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ love those who love them. 33And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ do that. 34And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ lend to ‘sinners,’ expecting to be repaid in full. 35But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 36Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. --Luke 6:27-36
Thank you Dakota~
That is a nice reminder 
_____________________________
formerly Delete 123
Never Underestimate the Power of God
Romans 8:28, Proverb 3:5
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