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RE: Mental Health Encouragement - One Stop Thread - 5/16/2010 11:53:56 AM
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A-Mighty-Oak
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From: Formerly known as Humbleinspirit
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I was nodding off in church again today during Bible Study. I decided because of this to go home again. This is really not good! I have some sessions that I am going to this week where I need to stay alert. I hope that I do!
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement - One Stop Thread - 5/16/2010 12:04:28 PM
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DenimDiva
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From: Indiana
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Our sermon just ended. The pastor challenged us to read "In His Steps" again. I read that book long before it was the fad many years ago and really liked it, so I will probably take that challenge.
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement - One Stop Thread - 5/16/2010 12:07:59 PM
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A-Mighty-Oak
Posts: 7557
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From: Formerly known as Humbleinspirit
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My church has the theme which is in following with this weekends retreat and vision:
Belong
Believe
Become
I failed by not getting to this. I am still only on the believe part.
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement - One Stop Thread - 5/17/2010 11:57:39 AM
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RainbowSkies
Posts: 347
Joined: 2/28/2007
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Really really down. Trying to exercise it out but not working so well. It is like I feel good for a while after I stretch or exercise, but then I go back to this. Just yuck. I hate living like this. It would be nice to just have a while where I feel normal and like myself. Without medication would be the ultimate, but even if I can do it with, that is all I want.
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Formerly known as MrsTracy72
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement - One Stop Thread - 5/17/2010 12:12:18 PM
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A-Mighty-Oak
Posts: 7557
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From: Formerly known as Humbleinspirit
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I know the feeling Tracy, I have been there. I am still depressed or at least bored. Sometimes I just do not want to get out of bed. Sometimes even forums doesn't make me feel better either.
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement - One Stop Thread - 5/17/2010 5:36:53 PM
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RainbowSkies
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That is why I take so many breaks. But the thing about forums, and I totally understand the reasons behind it, but sometimes it would be nice to be able to say what is really on your mind. You know? I mean, like I said, I know and understand the reasons behind it, but it is just that very few people in my real life know what I am going through and only one person on these forums knows mostly everything, but sometimes when you feel like you are screaming inside and you have no way to vent it out because nobody knows what is going on and why, it is so hard. I do work with my therapist and my husband has been very good to me in that way, but still. He isn't always around and the very few things I told my parents, made my mom flip out. And they were little things. I got the generic "everybody gets depressed, just snap out of it" They don't understand that not only can you NOT snap out of it, but often times it goes way deeper than that. And it isn't like you always want to talk to your therapist, but sometimes just somebody to listen would be nice. I have that to a very small extent. I know of a few people I have, but I would never call in the middle of the night, or early in the morning. And one is on a totally different time zone so that two hours makes a difference. Anyway, I am just babbling right now. I will check in later. My girls are screaming about anything and everything. It is really starting to wear on me.
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Formerly known as MrsTracy72
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Mental Health Encouragement - One Stop Thread - 5/17/2010 5:39:42 PM
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DenimDiva
Posts: 4967
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From: Indiana
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Tracy, if you want to talk, I'll be free in about two hours or so.
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement - One Stop Thread - 5/17/2010 5:39:58 PM
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A-Mighty-Oak
Posts: 7557
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From: Formerly known as Humbleinspirit
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Sometimes my forums list seems daunting and I do take a break sometimes from reading them. One time about a year ago I did not really post for 3 weeks. Someone finally PMed me and asked if I was ok? I said that I was and just just taking a break from posting. I was back to my normal self after that.
Fortunately the past couple of weeks my unreads have only been around 50 or so. In the past they have been on average 70-90 instead. Not that I minded it, but it is still a lot none the less.
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement - One Stop Thread - 5/17/2010 5:51:27 PM
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RainbowSkies
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Roberta, if I can quiet my kids down, I might call you. If I don't, I will call tomorrow. I am going to go to sleep as early as possible.
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement - One Stop Thread - 5/17/2010 6:19:24 PM
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RainbowSkies
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Oh my gosh! My aunt just died suddenly. That is the third time this year. People that young are not supposed to die. I won't be back for a while.
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement - One Stop Thread - 5/17/2010 6:24:24 PM
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A-Mighty-Oak
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From: Formerly known as Humbleinspirit
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Oh my Tracy, you will be in my prayers!
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement - One Stop Thread - 5/17/2010 9:33:50 PM
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Nutty4God
Posts: 2325
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From: an old oak tree! :)
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((((((Tracy)))))) praying for you and your family as you go through this difficult time. 
I do a regular purge of threads that I'm either no longer interested in, or that no one responds to my post in a given period of time. Because of that, my unsubs rarely go more than one page. Also, when I post in humor & games, when I'm ready to log off, I unsubscribe those threads, so that I don't have a mile long unsub list when I log on next time.
I do participate in more than one forum. Sometimes, I just want to post here all night. Other days, I want to post here briefly, then go elsewhere. So, I don't take a long break from forums, just maybe a day or two.
I'm doing okay tonight, except for being tired and sore from pulling weeds. There is some more that I want to post, but cannot do it right now, as I'm not alone in this room and people can possibly see what I might be posting. I sure do miss being in a different room where I can post just about anything without worrying about someone reading over my shoulder at something that they shouldn't read. 
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Mental Health Encouragement - One Stop Thread - 5/18/2010 8:09:25 AM
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DenimDiva
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From: Indiana
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((((Tracy)))) I'm very sorry to hear about your aunt.
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement - One Stop Thread - 5/18/2010 11:00:16 AM
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IwillseekHim
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Praying for you and your family today, Tracy.
Pink, hope you are feeling ok today. Same for Melissa and Mike. I need to go read up on both of your threads. Not sure if you've found a house yet, melissa, but I am still praying.
I am excited about a new bible study I am starting tonight. It is called Finding God's Path Through Your Trials by Elizabeth George. Based on James 1:2. I hope to learn how to count it all joy when I face various trials. That's not an easy one for me to do.
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement - One Stop Thread - 5/18/2010 11:17:21 AM
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RainbowSkies
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Thanks. It was very unexpected. Her daughter (my cousin) and I were born on the same day in the same hospital three hours apart. Growing up, we spent every day either by my house, but mostly by hers. I was not close to my parents growing up, but it was rough. My dad is now a recovering alcoholic, but growing up, he was a very violent person. One thing that I am grateful for is that he doesn't remember any of the things he used to do so we have built a relationship and he has no reason to feel guilty. But at the same time, I tried to spend as much time over there instead of at my house. My cousin and I went to the same grade school and were in the same class and at one time, we sat right next to eachother.
My aunt also taught all three of my kids in preschool. Jake only had her for one year, but Kali and Kayla both had her for three years. I stayed and helped out a lot because Kali and Kayla were technically too young to be there their first year.
My aunt was a very strong woman. She is a large part of who I am today in Christ. I don't think that I would have ever made it back to the church if it wasn't for her.
I went to the hospital to see her yesterday. It was after she had died and I wish I hadn't done that. I didn't even recognize her. I don't want to remember her that way, but even looking at pictures of her, I still get that image. But even as I type this, I hear her voice in my head. I can see moments at the preschool and remember what she was wearing and where she was sitting. Remembering what she was wearing was easy because she mostly wore the same thing.
She was always walking around singing. Mostly Christian songs. But she wasn't supposed to die. She was in the hospital because she had a mini stroke and they did do an angioplasty on her and they were going to release her. My other aunt had just been up to see her and she was fine. She was walking and talking and just waiting to be released. And within a few hours, she had died.
I just don't understand how you can go from walking, talking, laughing, singing, and just being you to dead in a minute. And that is what they said happened. She was acting normal and didn't complain of any pain, but then she had a major heart attack and there was no saving her. I don't understand. I wish I did.
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Formerly known as MrsTracy72
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement - One Stop Thread - 5/18/2010 1:09:37 PM
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Nutty4God
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((((((Tracy)))))) That's so sad. I know that this is small comfort, but at least she is singing with our Savior and the angels in heaven.
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement - One Stop Thread - 5/18/2010 2:26:36 PM
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RainbowSkies
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Thanks Melissa. I was going to stay away from my computer, but then I didn't know what to do. I can't stop crying. I still can't believe this is real and I am NOT going to wake up and just have it be a nightmare. I know she is in an awesome place, and while a huge part of me is hurting so bad, there is a small part of me that wishes it were me instead of her. But words cannot describe what went through my head last night when I got the phone call and then when I saw her at the hospital. They let our family keep her in her room longer than usual because we wanted the entire family to be there and some had a couple of hours to drive. So it was nice that the hospital did that. I don't know. Right now, I am just so numb. I really don't know what to do with myself.
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Formerly known as MrsTracy72
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement - One Stop Thread - 5/19/2010 7:59:31 AM
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theprincessbuttercup
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From: Boo Radley's back yard
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I am so sorry about your aunt. I will be saying prayers for you; I'll add it to my list I go over at school. You have been through a lot this year, it sounds like.
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement - One Stop Thread - 5/19/2010 3:54:48 PM
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RainbowSkies
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I went to her facebook page to say hi. But I saw the posts from people saying that they missed her. I forgot. I forgot that she wasn't there to say hi back. This past 6 months has been nothing but death. I really don't know how much more I can take. I feel so helpless and defeated. I can't stop crying and sleep is not something that I can have without taking 5 different medications. I feel like I am in a fog. I don't know how to get out of it. This is the 4th time since Oct that we buried somebody and aside from that, I held his hand while my neighbor died, and just yesterday my other neighbor died, and I just don't have the energy or strength to bring anything to them like I did to my first neighbor. I don't mean to be rude, but I just can't. I can't even leave my house. I don't want to go to the funeral. I don't want to see her and give her that kiss goodbye. I don't want to sit in a service and hear how wonderful it is that she is in heaven and that she is in a happier place with no pain. I don't think I can do that. I was going through pictures today for the slide show and I couldn't see many of them through my tears. I can't see my keyboard through my tears. I feel so alone right now. I want to scream but nobody is around to hear me anyway. I don't know what to do. I don't know who to go too. We are all going through this. Alone. I love to be alone, but I can't handle feeling alone. And that is all I can say I guess. I am sorry for all of the babbling. I just don't know what to do. I making phone calls and forgetting whose number I dialed. I got an e:mail today from a friend in response to the message I sent him, and I don't recall sending him a message. I did it over facebook and my outgoing messages are not saved so I have no clue what I said to him. It couldn't have been good since he told me to show what I wrote to him to my doc. But I don't even know what I wrote. I walk in a room to get something and I can't remember what I am getting. My brain is so fried right now that I just can't take on anymore. My therapist told me to call her any time, but what can she do? Nothing. She can't bring my aunt back. She can call my P-doc and ask him to adjust medications, but that takes time to work. I can't wait. I am so sorry I am going on and on. I know everybody has things going on in their lives and I should be more attentive to that.
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Formerly known as MrsTracy72
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement - One Stop Thread - 5/19/2010 4:26:55 PM
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IwillseekHim
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Tracy, I'm glad that you have us here, but I want you to heed the advise of your friend and call your doctor. Yes, it takes time to adjust medications, but in the mean time you are feeling more and more overwhelmed. I think it is wise to call someone. We are your support online, but you need support IRL, too. It is hard for people without mental illness to try and handle what you are enduring. I am praying for you.
I'll be honest, I don't seem to be handling stress too well myself. I lost someone very close to me yesterday, too. The stress has brought on another migraine. I had three good days without a migraine and then I get the news. That's upsetting. I wonder now if my body is just unable to handle stress anymore? I know that in this world we will have trials. Jesus, Himself said so. So now I gotta learn how to handle things so that when the trials or tragic things happen, it does not trigger these horrible headaches. I'm tired of these headaches.
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement - One Stop Thread - 5/19/2010 6:53:50 PM
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Nutty4God
Posts: 2325
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From: an old oak tree! :)
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Tracy, I'm with you on that overwhelming feeling. Earlier this year, as I've posted previously, my elderly relative died. It was such a hard time for me and it still just seems so unreal. I'm still having trouble thinking about the holidays without him, because we almost always had a big celebration at his house. Now he's gone, family members are fighting with each other over his estate and my relative and I have to move, after taking care of him for over 30 years.
I get so tired and overwhelmed about all of this stuff, I wish that I could just go take a trip to Hawaii and surf the waves. Unfortunately, all I can do is dream, because I can't escape my current situation. No matter what happens from now on, I won't EVER try to escape like I tried to six years ago in April, when I was hospitalized and rededicated my life to Christ after my third suicide attempt.
Tracy, my prayers and ((((((Hugs)))))) are with you and your family as you deal with this terrible situation in your life.
((((((Melissa w/o cat)))))) hugs and prayers for your situation also.
How is everyone else doing?
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement - One Stop Thread - 5/22/2010 5:50:41 PM
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RainbowSkies
Posts: 347
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Roberta, I don't know what you are going through, but you are in my prayers.
Yesterday we had to say goodbye to my aunt. It was the most horrible funeral I have ever been to. Everybody was sobbing over her and there were so many people that we didn't really get to be together as a family. And my cousins whose mom she was were the same way.
Then they closed the casket and it was so hard to see. I knew they weren't going to keep it open during the service, but I didn't think that watching them close it was going to be as bad as it was. We all just couldn't contain ourselves.
The pastor gave a nice sermon and he had many nice things to say about her. And it wasn't generic. He knew her and he spoke of the things she had done in her life. Usually, people die and the pastor or priest hardly knows the person or their family.
But it was after church that was the hardest part. they put her in the back of the hearse and then simply drove off with us all standing there. My cousin spoke a bit about her and did not shed one tear. I know she is in heaven but I still want her back. He knows that she is in heaven and is happy for her. The way I know I should be, but for now, I just can't.
I feel so empty right now and every time I close my eyes, I see her from yesterday. I don't see her walking around and talking. I see her dead body in a box. My husband says I have been talking a lot in my sleep, and I know that my sleep feels very disturbed. I counted what I have been taking to fall asleep and it is just not where I want to be. My stomach is so upset that I can't keep anything down and I just can't seem to get myself going. I know that this is going to pass, but I don't see how.
Our lives are changed forever. She was my mom's youngest sister and someone that I just loved and adored. There are not too many people in the world like her, and I really don't understand why God took her away. We NEED people like her and while she has had a huge influence over so many of our lives, we are not her.
Everything just feels so fake. I can't believe that the person I saw in that casket was my aunt. I keep thinking that she is going to be here tomorrow and at the same time, I know she isn't. I just don't know how to pick up the pieces and get going again.
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Formerly known as MrsTracy72
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement - One Stop Thread - 5/22/2010 6:13:41 PM
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immanuelfirst
Posts: 660
Joined: 4/21/2009
From: Diamond Bar, California
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RainbowSkies,
I'm sorry for the loss of your dear aunt. I lost an aunt last year to breast cancer at the age of 73, but I was not on speaking terms with her for over four years and was racked with guilt and regret for not being able to reconcile with her while she was still alive. Everyone told me she forgave me a long time ago, but I couldn't accept it. Even when I learned I was in her will and received a large inheritance, I still couldn't accept she loved me nevertheless until I finally accepted it as a gift of grace, just like how Jesus willingly let Himself be tortured and die on a cross as a sacrifice for my sins. In both cases I can't comprehend why they did it, but I humbly accept it.
What you are going through right now is the grief process. I went through a similar experience with my aunt, who was like a second mom to me. I went through the whole gamut of emotions, wishing she was still with us so I could reconcile and make peace with her, and everything surrounding viewing her body in bed at home just hours after she died, the casket viewing at the cemetery, and the burial service did seem so fake and unreal because her body was in a box and I saw relatives I hadn't seen in decades.
There is no easy-to-follow PowerPoint presentation with quick bullet points to guide you through the grief and loss without pain. But know that you are not alone with your loss. Your emotions will be all over the map for a while, laughing and crying at random times, thinking you're hearing your aunt's voice, talking in your sleep, and so on. I have been there, and so have many others. Stay close to your family, your church, your pastor and your mental health care providers (psychiatrists, therapists and doctors) during this time. will also be keeping you in my prayers.
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John 3:16 in Hawaiian Pidgin: "God wen get so plenny love an aloha fo da peopo inside da world, dat he wen send Jesus, his one an ony Boy, so dat everybody dat trus Him no get cut off from God, but get da real kine life dat stay to da max foeva."
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