|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 9/21/2009 12:17:09 PM
|
|
|
W.O.F.
Posts: 487
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: an ignoble beginning
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: bolt.
It is possible to raise many children through very careful methods that do not involve corporal punishment. As a parent that knows those methods, it is important for me to at least try teaching methods other than physical pain as a deterrent. If a parent can't manage that, or if it is clearly not working, and if they have no one to teach them -- then yes, it is kinder to a child to spank them than to let them become increasingly undisciplined at the core.
That's what previous generations did, and rightly so, because they didn't have the understanding (or the luxury) of working with more humane (but effective) methods.
Actually...previous generations DID use other methods of discipline...my grandmother talks about being sat in the corner (naughty chair) and she is 95! Previous generations used MOST of the same punishments we do....at about the same rates. However, I think there was more emphasis put on the training part of discipline...so when there was disobedience, it was more often than not defiance and therefore got spanked. My grandmother raised 9 children..and yes, they were spanked, but very seldom...but they were well trained.
NO matter what punishment you choose (and regardless of the positive enforcements you use, at some point punishment/negative consequences WILL probably be necessary), if you DO NOT TRAIN BEFORE, AFTER, and DURING the process....it will be pointless. No amount of praising for right behaviour, and no amount of punishment will work if the child is not TAUGHT what is right and wrong and expected.
quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
I think that after their child is about 4 or 5, even a spanking parent shouldn't need to spank, that there are far better and more effective alternatives (which also are far less likely to lead to resentment and self-hatred for the child).
To be honest, if you train a child, even if you only use spanking, you don't have to administer spankings much after age 5.
Spanking after age 5 depends on the child.....again...you have to find the tool that works best for your child, and does not HARM them....
But I have found with my 5 kids...usually after age 5, if I have done my job right, they don't need to be spanked much....
and spankings only work IF they are used as ONE tool in the process of discipling your child....
People too often equate discipline with punishment...but discipline is three-fold:TRAINING (teaching, exhibiting, reminding), PRAISE/REWARD (positive comments for good behaviour, sometimes a "tangible" reward), PUNISHMENT (for acts of deliberate disobedience).
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 9/21/2009 1:05:18 PM
|
|
|
3cappuccinosmom
Posts: 2127
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
|
My kids get only swats as toddlers.
And they don't get true spanks that often.
However, there have been rare and short periods of time where one child might get spanked several days in a row. And that has happened after age 6 too. The usual reason for this is the child *will not* control his behavior (either intentionally or unintentionally hurting his siblings with a certain behavior, or reacting to gentle correction with anger or screaming towards parents), after warnings and other forms of discipline. This doesn't happen often (my kids are generally great kids  ), but I have no problem with spanking after age 5 if the situation warrents it. For my kids, knowing that the punishment for certain behaviors will be swift, severe, and consistently applied means that those behaviors last a shorter time and the intervals between their slipups are much longer than if I use something else.
The last spanking I ever got, I was 9 years old. I totally deserved it, my parents had tried other discipline with no luck, and I have absolutely no problem with the fact that my dad paddled me for what I did. It worked, too, btw. 
_____________________________
 Moo
"Yup, I'm in agreement with Maggie here on all of this" Manda, April 2010
Global Tantrum Crisis
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 9/21/2009 2:18:51 PM
|
|
|
W.O.F.
Posts: 487
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: an ignoble beginning
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom
My kids get only swats as toddlers.
And they don't get true spanks that often.
However, there have been rare and short periods of time where one child might get spanked several days in a row. And that has happened after age 6 too. The usual reason for this is the child *will not* control his behavior (either intentionally or unintentionally hurting his siblings with a certain behavior, or reacting to gentle correction with anger or screaming towards parents), after warnings and other forms of discipline. This doesn't happen often (my kids are generally great kids ), but I have no problem with spanking after age 5 if the situation warrents it. For my kids, knowing that the punishment for certain behaviors will be swift, severe, and consistently applied means that those behaviors last a shorter time and the intervals between their slipups are much longer than if I use something else.
The last spanking I ever got, I was 9 years old. I totally deserved it, my parents had tried other discipline with no luck, and I have absolutely no problem with the fact that my dad paddled me for what I did. It worked, too, btw.
I felt I needed to clarify...I am not saying that my kids don't get spanked after age 5...but that it is fairly rare after that age. I am not against it, but with my three oldest...I found other punishments "hurt" them more, and thus were more effective. My current 6 year old still gets spanked, but it is rare. My other child is under 5...but she doesn't get spanked much. She is a child to whom timeouts are excruciating, and therefore the most effective punishment for her.
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 9/23/2009 1:14:33 PM
|
|
|
HEWM
Posts: 2
Joined: 9/18/2009
Status: offline
|
I've seen that spanking usually occurs when a parent is stressed, tired, overwhelmed, distracted or just plain not interested in the child, seriously, there could also be an overzealous religious aspect. Using religion as a powertool.!!!!! What's up with wanting my child to look like a perfect model child in public? Isn't that just parent pride? What is more important than the child I have received into my home? Isn't the child a small piece of heaven loaned to me for a limited time? Nothing is the child's fault. That is a bold statement I know but I am convinced that a child's behaviour is subject to it's DNA, environment and role models. I remember being told to begin spanking my first child at 6 months old. Preposterous. A highly religious individual by whom I was also told to withhold affection from my child. Did I listen? No No No and I am so thankful because this particular child turns out is living with a genetic mental disorder and needs to remember the love and the hugs and the patience in order to survive as an adult in this crazy world. In the end, we will all face the same Maker, both the Maker of the child and the parent. The parent will face the question - did I do right by this child? Could I have modeled the love of Christ more effectively? Does she or he know they were loved? Did I take time, my time to help them understand, grow and blossom?
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 9/23/2009 1:21:47 PM
|
|
|
W.O.F.
Posts: 487
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: an ignoble beginning
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: HEWM
I've seen that spanking usually occurs when a parent is stressed, tired, overwhelmed, distracted or just plain not interested in the child, seriously, there could also be an overzealous religious aspect. Using religion as a powertool.!!!!! What's up with wanting my child to look like a perfect model child in public? Isn't that just parent pride? What is more important than the child I have received into my home? Isn't the child a small piece of heaven loaned to me for a limited time? Nothing is the child's fault. That is a bold statement I know but I am convinced that a child's behaviour is subject to it's DNA, environment and role models. I remember being told to begin spanking my first child at 6 months old. Preposterous. A highly religious individual by whom I was also told to withhold affection from my child.
wow...what a lot of generalizations as well as horrible advice you were given.
First of all....there are a lot of parents, like myself and most the people here that do NOT expect their children to be perfect...and who use spanking as one of MANY tools and not as a first resort and NEVER out of frustration or anger. I NEVER spank my children in public. They get corrected, but the training that takes place at home usually is sufficient to cover public transgressions.
I have to disagree.....some things, depending on the child, ARE the child's fault...but not until they are older. NO one said that training should not happen....
I also have to disagree on the DNA thing. Yes...our DNA does factor in some of our responses to things...but when it comes to disobedience and parental training....it had NOTHING to do with DNA...and everything to do with patient calm teaching, modeling and loving...and yes...sometimes punishment..whether that be timeouts, privilege removal, or spanking.
Christ is about love, but even HE did not refuse to punish. Scripture states numerous times that a father disciplines and punishes those whom he loves...and in fact goes so far to say that THE Father does so as well.
Not saying people have to spank...but don't lump all who use spanking as one of their many tools into the category into which it seems you have.
Also...do not discredit your child, even with their disablities, by insisting that NOTHING is ever their fault.
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 9/23/2009 2:07:01 PM
|
|
|
justpassinby
Posts: 17
Joined: 3/16/2009
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom
I hope you are joking, justpassinby.
No, I'm not. But then again, I support spankings even though I can't remember a time I did so with my own kids, and according to the bible the man should be the head of the household but I let my wife be (she does all the driving even to church) so I guess I don't practice what I preach, either that, or I'm so secure with my masculinity that I don't have to do all those things to prove it. Maybe I give my wife and kids free reign the same way Christ does to His Church, as we are a family, and like the spiritual, we are all equal. And in addition you don't see me gripe of marital problems in the marriage board. As much flack as I get and people who try to "correct" me, I surely seem to have less problems than they do.
_____________________________
Link to Genealogy of Christ
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 9/23/2009 2:09:21 PM
|
|
|
Sideways
Posts: 994
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
|
You'd have a hard time finding Biblical support for a man taking a switch to his wife, but I don't know if this is the right thread for that.
_____________________________
Well behaved women rarely make the history books.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 10/1/2009 12:58:12 AM
|
|
|
PDeverit
Posts: 6
Joined: 8/5/2009
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: W.O.F.
and yet studies done at Harvard, and Princeton show that those families that do practice controlled spanking....have LESS abuse overall than those who do not practice spanking.
Sweden's teen crime rate has climbed steadily since the 1970's when they outlawed spanking of children....
and yes...the US did not ratify the convention of the child...because most Americans do not want their children belonging to the state anymore than they already do.
Some of the countries listed that have ratified the convention have some of the worst records of child abuse and human rights issues in the world (Thailand and India for example think nothing of trafficking children for sexual slavery....).
Studies from Harvard and Princeton? Which ones? I know of Harvard professors (such as Dr. Alvin Poussaint, director in Judge Baker Childrens' Center in Boston, and professor of psychiatry at Harvard), Harvard's Project Zero and studies from Princeton's Center For Research on Child Wellbeing suggest otherwise.
Did you mean the study done at the Biola University?
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 10/1/2009 1:57:14 PM
|
|
|
W.O.F.
Posts: 487
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: an ignoble beginning
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: PDeverit
Studies from Harvard and Princeton? Which ones? I know of Harvard professors (such as Dr. Alvin Poussaint, director in Judge Baker Childrens' Center in Boston, and professor of psychiatry at Harvard), Harvard's Project Zero and studies from Princeton's Center For Research on Child Wellbeing suggest otherwise.
Did you mean the study done at the Biola University?
No....this was not done at Biola....
I will try to find it....I used to have a link to it. It was done by a psychologist and sociologist. They were shocked to find that spanking (in a controlled manner) actually reduced abuse..verbal as well as physical.
Here are some other quotes from various psychologist/sociologists that disagree with the "spanking is evil" theory:
"Almost everyone has been spanked as a kid, and they say, Well, I've been spanked, and I turned out OK,' and most of them have spanked their own kids," said University of New Hampshire sociologist Murray Straus, who has studied spanking since 1969.
University of California at Berkeley professor Diana Baumrind concludes that spanking isn't so bad.
"The short- and long-term consequences of corporal punishment is no more or less harmful than a mild scolding, time-out or other developmentally appropriate level and kind of punishment," said Baumrind, who conducted a long-term study following about 100 families over a dozen years.
here is a different paper than the one I was referring to: Corporal Punishment
I will continue to search for the paper I read three years ago...and get a link for it.
< Message edited by W.O.F. -- 10/1/2009 2:04:39 PM >
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 10/1/2009 2:41:03 PM
|
|
|
W.O.F.
Posts: 487
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: an ignoble beginning
Status: offline
|
The authors of the paper I am talking about were :
John P. Bartowski, Mississippi State University and W. Bradford Wilcox, Princeton University
so I was wrong...it wasn't Harvard. I can't find a link yet...but I found my hard copy of the study.
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 10/1/2009 10:38:17 PM
|
|
|
PDeverit
Posts: 6
Joined: 8/5/2009
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: W.O.F.
quote:
ORIGINAL: PDeverit
Studies from Harvard and Princeton? Which ones? I know of Harvard professors (such as Dr. Alvin Poussaint, director in Judge Baker Childrens' Center in Boston, and professor of psychiatry at Harvard), Harvard's Project Zero and studies from Princeton's Center For Research on Child Wellbeing suggest otherwise.
Did you mean the study done at the Biola University?
No....this was not done at Biola....
I will try to find it....I used to have a link to it. It was done by a psychologist and sociologist. They were shocked to find that spanking (in a controlled manner) actually reduced abuse..verbal as well as physical.
Here are some other quotes from various psychologist/sociologists that disagree with the "spanking is evil" theory:
"Almost everyone has been spanked as a kid, and they say, Well, I've been spanked, and I turned out OK,' and most of them have spanked their own kids," said University of New Hampshire sociologist Murray Straus, who has studied spanking since 1969.
University of California at Berkeley professor Diana Baumrind concludes that spanking isn't so bad.
"The short- and long-term consequences of corporal punishment is no more or less harmful than a mild scolding, time-out or other developmentally appropriate level and kind of punishment," said Baumrind, who conducted a long-term study following about 100 families over a dozen years.
here is a different paper than the one I was referring to: Corporal Punishment
I will continue to search for the paper I read three years ago...and get a link for it.
Actually, Murray Strauss is on the anti-spanking side. He is a director of the Family Research laboratory at the University of New Hampshire, and is the author of several anti-hitting books.
Most recently released was his study showing that child bottom-slapping lowers IQ
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/09/090924231749.htm
and then there was the one about how child buttock-battering can cause sexual problems:
http://www.scienceblog.com/cms/spanking-kids-increases-risk-sexual-problems-adults-15590.html
Actually, no offense, but Diana Baumrind was the only one you listed that saw child bottom-slapping as OK. It was in 2001, and she has since been refuted.
< Message edited by PDeverit -- 10/1/2009 10:45:47 PM >
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 10/2/2009 11:36:27 AM
|
|
|
W.O.F.
Posts: 487
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: an ignoble beginning
Status: offline
|
no offense, but many people are already debunking Struass's premise that spanking lowers IQ.
He used a sampling from an area in the US that has multiple factors for lowering IQ, and many researchers (even some on his side of the fence) find his research faulty and with multiple holes.
I still find it interesting that while he is anti-spanking, he produced the quote that he did.
And, if spanking truly does lower IQ, my brother should have been an idiot...instead...his IQ is off the charts as are his alpha and beta brain waves.
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 10/2/2009 4:00:10 PM
|
|
|
W.O.F.
Posts: 487
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: an ignoble beginning
Status: offline
|
I am not against spanking, nor do I think it is the only form of punishment that will work.
What I am against is "specialists" in the field making up and stacking figures to make it look as though spanking is evil.
IF spanking really does cause sexual perversion..than we have some serious problems.....in stead of being abhorrent sexual behaviour, what is called that now would actually be the norm.
I am not saying that some parents don't make it a sexual thing, but then they are doing it wrong, and for the wrong reasons.
But then...verbal abuse can cause some of the same issues, as can , believe it or not , time outs, etc.
I can remember in my college psych class, the then fad of saying a certain form of punishment lead to sexual issues and lowered IQ was "time outs" because that was the "removal of affection" from a child.....
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 10/2/2009 10:35:25 PM
|
|
|
PitaKat
Posts: 110
Joined: 7/23/2009
From: Eastern WA
Status: offline
|
I found this thread to be pretty interesting. It kinda started out about hitting or spanking dogs, but morphed into a spanking thread http://www.dogforums.com/7-off-topic/55005-people-who-have-kids.html
BTW, I'm one of the posters on there.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank - 1/9/2010 10:25:47 PM
|
|
|
buckifn
Posts: 195
Joined: 5/23/2006
Status: offline
|
Hundreds of thousands of kids have died after being beaten. The Bible would be a lie if it truly said beat a child with a rod and he/she shall not die...It does not say that...
A rod does not necessarily mean a weapon.. Isaiah himself refers to Jesus as a "rod of Jesse"...
We get into trouble when we put our own private interpretation on a few select verses in the Bible.
Jesus loved the little children...we know this from many Biblical examples...
A loving parent finds a way to nourish, correct, guide, instruct, and teach his/her child the Biblical pattern God has given us to follow in this life.
About the only thing hitting a child teaches a child is hitting is an answer to a problem...
The woman who was caught in the act of adultery is a great ex, because Jesus is our heavenly Father and the perfect model for a parent.
It's not necessary to introduce children to hitting to train them the way the Lord instructs us to do.
The rod of correction could very well be modeling approp. behavior for your child, not striking them.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank - 1/10/2010 10:08:54 AM
|
|
|
Sideways
Posts: 994
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
|
I spank, but let's be honest here. We're using our hand to strike the child hard enough to cause pain. It's hitting. The only difference is the state of mind of the parent. But spanking is hitting, the two words just have a slightly different emotional resonance.
I'm of the opinion that spanking should be a last resort punishment, when everything else has failed, and it should cease when the children reaches 4 or 5. After that the child is old enough that other methods are more effective and cause less emotional damage to the child. Spanking can be the lazy way out of punishment; it's faster then many other methods in terms how how much time is required of the parent.
_____________________________
Well behaved women rarely make the history books.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank - 1/10/2010 10:21:27 AM
|
|
|
3cappuccinosmom
Posts: 2127
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
|
OK. Semantics. 
Since I don't see spanking as bad, or harmful, I don't think it means a parent is "lazy" because they find it effective. While spanking definitely reduces the length of misbehavior for my kids, in the moment it is *not* always the easiest route to take. There are many times when I would prefer to ignore a tantrum, or chuck a shrieking kid in his room and let him work it out himself. If I were lazy, that's what I would do. Instead I have to take the time out to address the child, give the spanking, talk to the child, and resolve the issue befor I can do anything else that I want to do. I understand that people do this with other methods of discipline, but please don't assume that because a parent spanks, they are taking the easy way out.
There are plenty of ways to be lazy parents. Any method can be twisted and misused by people who are lazy. There are some incredibly lazy parents who use "hands off" parenting as a way to avoid having to spend the time to disicpline their children.
_____________________________
Moo
"Yup, I'm in agreement with Maggie here on all of this" Manda, April 2010
Global Tantrum Crisis
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank - 1/10/2010 10:25:59 AM
|
|
|
3cappuccinosmom
Posts: 2127
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
|
btw, I do not think the Bible, when using the term beating, means 'beat them to death'.  However, "beating" generally does mean corporal punishment. In dh's language, there is no direct translation for "spanking". The word they have is "beating". I've had to remind him often that using the word in English has very different connotations than the way he means is. There is a difference between loving corporal discipline (which some languages may refer to as "beating", but not modern English), and wailing away at a kid, venting anger on them etc. I don't think it's necessary to hyperspiritualize everything and draw lofty concepts from some pretty plain words.
_____________________________
Moo
"Yup, I'm in agreement with Maggie here on all of this" Manda, April 2010
Global Tantrum Crisis
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank - 1/10/2010 11:18:59 AM
|
|
|
Sideways
Posts: 994
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
|
Speaking for myself, there have been times when spanking was far easier then trying to win a battle of wills over whether or not my son would do what I told him to do. It was far, far easier to simply tell him "Do it or you get a spanking."
I think other methods require more time and patience and in the long run could be more effective. I feel that spanking should be very rare and for severe circumstances I think spanking is on the way out for my 2.5 year old. It really doesn't do a lot of good, and it hurts our parent/child relationship.
But my niece used to be such a stubborn child that spanking was the only thing that worked. By the time she was 4, however, she had settled down a lot, so that spankings were maybe used once a month. They'll be gone completely by the time she starts Kindergarten.
_____________________________
Well behaved women rarely make the history books.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank - 1/10/2010 12:43:25 PM
|
|
|
3cappuccinosmom
Posts: 2127
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
|
quote:
I think other methods require more time and patience and in the long run could be more effective.
Maybe it depends on goals? For what are you intending your discipline to be effective?
For us short-term goals of discipline in early childhood are obedience, responding to parental authority, and the beginnings of character development (doing the right thing even if you don't feel like it, for instance). Spanking as part of our discipline method is highly effective for that. Long term goals have to do with character development and a lifestyle of self-control and obedience to God . Spanking wasn't detrimental in my own life towards those goals (being the oldest child, I was the most spanked, lol, and I did not rebel against either God or my parents. My baby sister, exact reverse. So I don't believe for a moment that "grace-based" parenting always does better at producing high character and good parent-child relationships), and I don't see them interfering with those goals as we move out of the early years of training with my oldest.
_____________________________
Moo
"Yup, I'm in agreement with Maggie here on all of this" Manda, April 2010
Global Tantrum Crisis
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank - 1/10/2010 1:25:59 PM
|
|
|
Sideways
Posts: 994
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom
Also, there may be a difference in how people percieve spanking. In our household it is not 30 seconds of butt-whopping and then the child is cowering in the corner and mother goes about her day.
Well, that's not how I do it , but spanking is still a lot faster then other things I've tried. I do believe in consequences and that obedience should be a lot more fun then defying me (WOF explains this very well).
We also believe that Nathan should do what he's told, simply because he's been told to do it, but for his personality, spanking needs to be rare and soon gone, or else I think it will be harmful to our relationship. We still believe that a battle of wills needs to be won by the parent, and dH and I don't respond to toddler terrorism.
dH and I aren't perfect, and we're still new at this game (our oldest is only 2 for goodness sake), but we do believe that whining and temper tantrums should not get a child his way. We're teaching please and thank you, though it's very hard for Nathan to say those words to strangers.
_____________________________
Well behaved women rarely make the history books.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank - 1/10/2010 1:55:02 PM
|
|
|
3cappuccinosmom
Posts: 2127
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
|
quote:
Well, that's not how I do it
lol. I wasn't implying so. I was hoping you weren't imagining that's how we do it.
Depending on the situation, spanking may get faster results. But that's not necessarily bad either. I don't think that a 3 hours long intense battle of wills is necessarily better for the relationship (or for the child) than a 30 minute process that involves spanking and the parent winning. I also think there are situations where an immediate stop has to be put to behavior because it is dangerous to the child or others. If spanking works quickly, that is not a mark of laziness on the parent's part. It might actually be wisdom.
I frequent a board where spanking is an absolute no-no. The boards statement of beliefs is that *all* spanking, for any reason, is child-abuse. I don't spend a whole lot of time in their discipline section, but when I do, I see a lot of mothers who have intense dislike for their children, who have children who have developed an intense dislike for them, and who are often dealing with outrageous and dangerous behavior from their children, things that really need to be stopped instantaneously, but they can't because they don't want to be "punitive".
I guess my point is, I have seen both extremes in both camps. Rebellious kids in both camps. Damaged relationships in both camps. And on the opposite extreme loving healthy families raising loving helathy kids in both camps. If it doesn't work in your family, I have no problem with you using something else. I just don't think it's fair to apply the "lazy" label to everyone based on your experience.
_____________________________
Moo
"Yup, I'm in agreement with Maggie here on all of this" Manda, April 2010
Global Tantrum Crisis
|
|
|
|
 New Messages |
 No New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/ New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/o New Messages |
 Locked w/ New Messages |
 Locked w/o New Messages |
|
 Post New Thread
Reply to Message
Post New Poll
Submit Vote
Delete My Own Post
Delete My Own Thread
Rate Posts |
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
